


Insecurities

by JamesRamsey



Category: Twilight
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-05
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-06 23:37:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/424468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamesRamsey/pseuds/JamesRamsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suddenly I realized the family had it wrong. I had it wrong. Jasper was not attacking me and Edward was not protecting me. AU OOC Rated M to be safe - My first story - WINNER of two 'Everything's Bigger In Texas' Awards</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A/N: As usual Twilight and all its characters do not belong to me they belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer – thank you for allowing me to play in your world

~ As the M rating suggests - if you are under 18 you shouldn't be reading this fic. It contains dark themes and sexual material. ~

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1

"Ouch, paper cut" I looked down at my finger and saw the crimson liquid welling up. Suddenly I could hear the terrifying sound of a growl coming from across the room before all hell broke loose.

I could feel myself flying backwards, pain ripping through my back and arm; hear a crash and the sound of glass breaking as my body was thrown through a table and to the floor. Several things happened simultaneously. I could feel Edwards breath on my neck. I could see the look of desperation on Jasper's face across the room, as Emmett and Rosalie tried to wrestle him away from me, and the temptation that my blood presented. The next thing I realized was that the family had it wrong. I had it wrong. Jasper wasn't attacking me and Edward wasn't protecting me.

They say that when you are faced with your own death that your life flashes before your eyes. I didn't see that. I guess I was right when I told Edward that my brain didn't work right. Time seemed to slow down. I saw the room as if I was separate from it. Like an unseen person standing in the corner.

There was Jasper, trying franticly to get to me through the maze of arms that were restraining him; Emmett and Rose trying to drag him from the house with the help of Carlisle. Esme and Alice looking on in horror and disappointment. Why was no one concerned with Edward and I?

Oh right, Edward always protected me. And to be fair it really did look like he was shielding me with his body. What they didn't see, was his teeth securely fastened to my throat as he slowly drained the life from my body.

"EDWARD NO!" Jasper started screaming. I guess he realized that they weren't going to let him go, and this was the only way he would be able to bring attention to the situation. The family swung towards us in shock. Esme being the closest to us, blurred into action. She tried to grab at Edward, he released me only to spin and throw Esme across the room, where she hit the wall and almost went right through it.

"MINE!"

The roar that came out of his mouth was inhuman and nothing like the Edward that I knew and loved.

Emmett and Rose dropped Jasper and ran at Edward. He must have read their intent from their minds. Rose was faster so he grabbed her first and swung her into Emmett, hard enough that the two of them crashed through the living room window and out into the yard. By now Carlisle was advancing on us. Jasper grabbed him by the shoulder to hold him back. "No Carlisle, he's protecting his kill, look at him."

I could hear the growls rumbling up through Edward as he crouched over top of me. I felt something dripping on my chest and realized that it was my blood running from his mouth down his chin and dripping on to me. I should have felt sick but I could feel the fire starting to spread through my neck. I remembered it from the last time that I felt it when James had bitten me in Phoenix. Jasper must have been trying to calm Edward down because Edward started to speak.

"Mine, her blood is mine! I will not be denied again. I will finish it this time. It's not enough." His voice was rough and almost slurred. I felt more liquid hit my chest. Venom was running out of his mouth and hitting me, mixing with my blood.

"Edward you don't want to do this. You love Bella. You sucked the venom out of her last time and you were able to stop. You don't want to kill her now." I could hear Carlisle trying to reason with Edward, trying to bring him back to himself.

"His venom was foul, tainting the sweetness of her blood. Now it is pure. Now it is mine. I have denied myself long enough. Sitting there day after day, smelling the bouquet that is her blood; listened to it as it pumped through her veins. She taunted me day after day with her blush. I had to keep it close to me. I had to make sure no one else got to drink it. Spending time with a human was a small price to pay to enjoy the sweetness of its blood." He was savage as he talked about me as if I was a thing; something to keep possession of, not someone that he professed to love.

"You don't mean that Edward. You are not yourself. You love Bella." Esme seemed to almost plead with Edward and the pain on her face was heartbreaking. She had never seen her son look like this.

"Love a human?" He cocked his head to the side in confusion.

"I have had women by the thousands throw themselves at me and I never allowed them near me. I have had beautiful vampire women offer to share my bed and I have never taken them up on it. What would make you think that one small, plain girl would inspire me to love where all others failed. It has always been about her blood and the peace and quiet that her mind offered me. Don't you see? She is truly our prey. My prey. Predators take out the weak and the sick; her clumsiness is a clear indication that, even for a human, she is inferior. She needs to be culled." Edwards snarling words hurt me more than the burn that was slowly spreading through my body.

I could see the effect that his words had on the family in the room. Carlisle looked like he was going to be sick if he had been able. Alice looked confused and horror struck holding up Esme, who looked ready to collapse from her heart break. She wanted to come to me and I watched her eyes dart back and forth between Edward and I.

Jasper, Jasper had the darkest look I had ever seen in his eyes. He looked every inch the warrior – expressionless, with eyes that promised a dark and merciless punishment for any that went against him. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with lethargy and saw Edward waiver on his feet and shake his head.

Again the room exploded into action. Emmett and Rosalie sailed through the window and collided with Edward. The three of them went tumbling across the room and landed with Edward snarling and thrashing, pinned to the floor, held down by Emmett's bulk and Rosalie's fury. Alice hurried over to help drag him out of the house.

As Rose wrestled with Edward she looked right at me, "It's not true" she said.

As the convulsions started to take over my body I looked up to see Jasper holding me to his chest.

"Carlisle, it's too late to suck the venom out. The change has already started." Jaspers face looked conflicted and guilty.

I could hear someone screaming and realized that it was me. It felt like someone had replaced my blood with molten lava. I tried to stop my screams knowing that it wouldn't do any good. He looked down at me and I felt the calm that he was trying to push on me.

Carlisle took my hand, "Bella, we can't stop it this time, but I am worried that not enough venom has been put in your system. If we don't push more the change will take way longer, and I don't want you to go through the pain for longer than necessary."

I tried to tell him that it was ok. That I understood. He would have to bite me again. I knew that he loved me like his own; you could see the pain written on his face at the thought that he would have to bite me, and continue the pain that his favored son had inflicted. I loved this kind and compassionate man even more. I could hear Esme sobbing over my head and felt her fingers smoothing back my hair.

My eyes connected again with Jasper and he raised my hand that was closest to his chest up to his mouth. I could see my arm shaking with the force of the tremors that were wracking my body. Jasper softly pressed a kiss into the palm of my hand, and then sunk his teeth into my wrist.

Quicker than Carlisle's cry of alarm, Jasper pushed his venom into my wrist and then sealed the wound with his tongue.

"Jasper!" Esme looked at him with worry and a trace of pride.

"We don't have time for this Esme; I have to push more into her system. We can talk later." I could hear the command in his voice as he shifted me in his arms and reached for my other wrist where he repeated the procedure. He then ripped open my shirt and bit me right over my heart.

"That's enough Son. You pushed an astonishing amount of venom into her system in a short amount of time. The change will happen quickly now."

I felt the prick of a needle as Carlisle injected something into me. "Morphine Bella. I am hoping that it will numb some of the burning."

I felt my jaw threatening to crack as my teeth were clamped together to try to hold back my screams. The agony was a thousand times worse than any injury I had ever received. Even when James had bitten me it hadn't prepared me to feel the flames running through my entire body. I could feel myself being lifted and carried. I looked up into Jasper's eyes for the last time before I closed my eyes and the pain took me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Re-posted from FanFic.net 
> 
> As usual Twilight and all its characters belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer.

I looked at the girl lying on the bed in front of me. Her forehead showed beads of perspiration and every now and then part of her would twitch minutely. So subtle were the movements that only a vampire would have noticed them. I took comfort in the steady rise and fall of her chest and the steady pounding of her heart. I heard the man I am proud to call my father enter the room behind me. 

“Why is she so quiet Carlisle? I have never seen someone go through the change without making a sound.”

“I can only guess that it is because of the massive amount of morphine that I gave her. I had to give her way more than the recommended dose, so that it could move through her system faster than the venom sealed up her veins.” He walked over to her and felt her forehead. “She is perspiring, but her temperature is dropping, and her skin is starting to harden. You did a great job pushing the venom in to her system, son. I am so proud of you.” 

I felt the pride and his love for me sweep over me in a tidal wave of warmth and I looked at my father. I finally felt as if I was paying back the kindness that he had shown me over the years. We had had to move on more than one occasion because of one of my slip-ups, and the shame I felt was made worse, because Carlisle and Esme had never stopped believing that I would get control of my monster. They never once waivered in their love for me.

I felt my father’s curiosity growing as he started to speak. “Jasper, how were you able to do it? You of all of us have struggled the most, and yet the one thing that you should not have been able to do, you did without hesitation or a flicker of bloodlust. Your eyes are still the clear topaz of a vegetarian. This means that none of Bella’s blood entered your system.” 

I thought about the events of the day and struggled to contain my rage. Those thoughts could be dealt with later. 

“I’m not sure. All I thought about was the fact that Bella was in danger. I am not denying that I smelled her blood, or the fact that, as usual, it smelled delicious. And, yes my mouth did fill with venom. But after getting to know her better in the spring, and the time that we spent in the car, and later the hotel room, I realized that Bella is the most selfless person that I have ever had the privilege to meet. I felt her heart breaking with every word that Edward said.” 

Carlisle looked shocked at this. “She heard him?”

I sighed “Yes, she heard every word, and with her insecurities, she believed everything that he said instantly. Even when her gaze shifted to the others, she honestly felt that maybe he was right.” 

I shook my head. When would she believe that she was worth it? The words that I had said to her all those months ago were just as true now as they were then.  
“Even though I could feel her acceptance of his cruelty, I also felt her love for everyone in the family. She was laying there bleeding with a monster poised to take her life, and yet all she felt as she looked at us was love. She was feeling sorry for all the pain that we seemed to be going through. That’s why I was able to stop, and that’s why I didn’t let her blood enter my mouth. The few drops on my teeth were ambrosia, but I couldn't let her faith in us, her faith in me, down.” I walked over and opened the window knowing the cool air would feel good against the heat of her skin if she was able to feel it.

“You know, in addition to her selflessness, she has your compassion and Esme’s endless capacity to love.” I chuckled a bit at this. “Really Carlisle she is the closest thing to a daughter that you and Esme could ever find. The perfect blend of the two of you.”

I watched as he smoothed the damp hair back from her face and placed a cool cloth on her brow. “I really do wish she was my daughter. I guess now she really is. We need to make some plans. She is supposed to be home soon. Charlie is going to be worried about where she is. We also need to speak with Edward. I am having a hard time believing that he meant everything he said, but bloodlust cannot excuse some of the things he said. He was too composed.” I felt his heartbreak as he struggled to reconcile the son he knew with the monster that we had all seen downstairs.

“We can discuss that elsewhere. I am not sure how much of this Bella can hear, and she’s got enough to deal with right now, without adding the drama to it. She will have to make some decisions when she wakes up. We can leave her with Esme while you and I work out the other details.” At my words Esme walked in with a basin of water and some fresh clothes. 

I watched her smile tenderly at Bella and I could feel the overwhelming love that she felt for this small fragile girl. 

“Alright boys, off you go while I get my daughter cleaned up, and ready to face the world. It will only upset her if she wakes up covered in her human blood, with torn and bloody clothes. Whatever you come up with for her disappearance had better be good, or we will have the wolves to deal with.”

Damnation! I had forgotten about that infernal treaty. We were up a creek without a paddle now.

“I’ll go and see about the situation outside, and then meet you in your study.” I nodded to Carlisle as we separated at his study door and I continued downstairs.  
I could hear my wife and siblings outback with Edward, still trying to reason with him. I knew that Esme and Carlisle could hear it as well, but they were both hoping that it was only the bloodlust talking. Yes, they were in denial but I couldn't blame them. The alternative was just too hard for their kind souls to take in at the moment.

As I walked onto the back porch, I could see that Emmett held Edward around the chest; his arms trapped by his sides. Rosalie was standing in front of him looking murderous, while dodging the occasional kick. Alice was talking to him, trying to bring him out of his bloodlust. I hadn’t seen my perfectly controlled brother like this ever. In fact, he more closely resembled the newborns that I had trained all those years ago. 

I put my hand on my wife’s shoulder “Sweetheart, why don’t you and Rose go and see if Esme needs any help with Bella. Emmett and I can keep trying here. We can meet in Carlisle’s study in 10 minutes.” 

She looked up at me with huge sorrowful eyes. “I can’t stand to see him like this Jazz. What’s wrong with him?”

“Don’t worry I’ll calm him down. You need to start looking at ways to explain to Charlie that his daughter isn’t ever coming home.”

Immediately I could see the wheels turning behind her beautiful eyes. “Come on Rose we need to check on Bella and repair the front window. The house can’t look like a fight has taken place or we could be borrowing trouble.” 

As Alice skipped up the stairs Rose turned to me. “Jasper, I never really hated Bella you know. I just always knew that she was too good for him.” 

I could feel the remorse for her treatment of Bella and her hatred of Edward warring with each other. “I know Rose. What you don’t know, is that girl loves you as much as she loves Emmett or Alice. She has only ever felt sad whenever you ignored her. Just think, now you have forever to make it up to her.” 

I felt her determination as a small smile graced her lovely face. I knew that Bells had just earned another sister. Rose had mentally added her to the family, and now she would be one of the few beings lucky enough, to have Rosalie’s unwavering loyalty.

There was a huge grin on Emmett’s face when I turned back to the struggle that had continued behind me. Emmett had heard everything that was said, and I could feel how proud he was of Rose. I looked at Edward and I could feel myself slipping into old patterns. My military side was coming to the fore as I assessed the situation that was Edward. His eyes were intensely red indicating that he had taken more of Bella’s blood than I knew. He was still straining against Emmett, but as Bella’s human scent was very slowly dissipating his movements weren’t as frantic. 

I looked over his head “Doin’ ok there Em?” 

Emmett grinned back at me “Yup, I am loving the fact that even though he can read my mind, I still have him right where I want him. I may not beat him in a straight up wrestling match, but once I have him he can’t beat the brute strength that is me.” 

I chuckled at his comments; Edward just threw off waves of frustration and fury. 

Well if he wanted to act like a newborn, I would treat him like one. I obviously hadn’t done this in awhile, but thanks to my vampire brain, I wouldn’t ever forget how. I only wish there was a way to warn Emmett. 

I threw a boatload of weakness and lethargy, mixed with a heapful of hopelessness, at Edward. And just like old times, it did the trick. Poor Emmett, I felt bad as he fell to the ground just like Edward, but really there was no other way. 

I walked over to the two unconscious vampires and rolled Edward off of Emmett. He, being the heavier one, keeled over backwards taking Edward with him. I chuckled as I realized that Carlisle likely didn’t know that a vampire could be rendered unconscious. You just couldn’t do it through physical means. 

Once Edward was far enough away from Emmett, I walked back over to him and touched him on the shoulder. I didn’t want to overload him so I merely fed back the emotions and levels that he normally gave off. 

“WHAT THE HELL!” He shot up off the ground completely back to normal. 

“Language Emmett!” Floated from somewhere in the house. Esme having no idea what I had done to poor Emmett, was just chastising him as usual, and as usual,  
“Sorry Mom!”, came from Emmett’s mouth. 

He turned back to me with a look of disbelief on his face. He looked from me to Edward and back again.

“Did you? Is he? Man I swear I am never messing with you again!! I had no idea. Does Carlisle know that..?” 

I laughed “Are you ever going to finish a question or are you just going to stand there sputtering.” 

Emmett looked at me in continued disbelief “Man you are one bad Mother. Am I ever glad that you are on my side!”

I could feel mischief starting to brew and I knew he wasn’t done yet.

“Can we try that again later? That was too cool!!” 

“Later Em, right now we have to deal with him first. I’m hoping that once he comes out of it, he will have snapped out of the bloodlust. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.” 

Emmett looked over at Edward and shook his head. “How is Bells doing? Is she ok?”

I looked him in the eye, “Emmett the change was already happening and it was too late to stop it. Edward had taken too much blood in any case, she probably would have died.” 

I could feel my own guilt starting to eat at me. If only I had gotten to him in time I could have stopped him from hurting her at all.

“Jasper, man whatever it is that you have running through your head, you have nothing to feel guilty about.” 

Too late I realized I must have been projecting when he continued. 

“I wanna say this now before things really hit the fan and I forget. Jasper, I’m sorry. I automatically jumped to the conclusion that you were attacking Bella, and I shouldn’t have. I should have realized that you were only moving to protect her. At the very least, I should have given you the benefit of doubt.” He looked so forlorn that I couldn’t help but clap him on the shoulder.

“Em, after all the slip-ups I have had, and the times we have had to move; you had every right to assume what you did. Besides if I had been attacking, you would have saved her life.” 

“Yeah but she got bit anyway, and you were the one trying to protect her. I should have realized that after killing James in the spring, you had a hold on your hunger. I mean there was blood all over that ballet studio, and you ran right through it to get to him. Even afterwards, I had to leave before you did, and Alice was no better. You have it under control man – I should have known. I’m sorry.” He shook his head sadly.

I couldn’t help it, I gave him a hug. It felt so good after all these years of struggling, to know that I had made some measurable progress. And for the second time that day, as my giant bear of a brother hugged me back, I felt how proud a member of my family was of me.

“Alright down to business.” I was brusque as I pulled away. “We need to make some major decisions. Edward will have to wait. Can you take him to the baseball field? It’s far enough away that there will be no humans around, if and when, he wakes up. We need to figure out how to make Bella’s death believable to the humans and the Quileutes; not to mention her police chief father. We will need to pull off a miracle for this to work.”

Emmett strode over to Edwards prone form and slung him into a fireman’s carry.“Any ideas on when he will wake up?”

I thought about this for a minute “Well it could be an hour or only a few minutes. And I’m not sure what frame of mind he will be in when he wakes up. You head to the field, and I’ll send Rose to you after I speak to her. I have an idea on Bella’s death that I need her input on. Don’t let Rose kill him when he wakes up, no matter what he says.” 

Emmett laughed “Great I get all the easy jobs – contain my out of control mindreading brother, and my wife who wants to tear him apart and scatter the pieces. Sure no problem!” 

I watched as he swiftly disappeared from sight and then turned to go in the house.

When I entered the living room, Alice and Rose were putting the finishing touches on the front window and all the debris had been cleaned up from the front yard. I was still thinking about the beginnings of my plan. 

Alice looked up at me and simply said “I will call him right now and arrange the weekend at least – you know the man is putty in my hands.”

As she flitted off to call Charlie Rose cocked an eyebrow at me. 

“She’s going to tell Charlie that the family is going to Seattle for the weekend. Edward just got an early acceptance to Julliard, but has to move there next week. So in celebration of her birthday, and the acceptance, and to allow the loving couple a proper goodbye, we are all going to Seattle for the weekend. It’s unfortunate that you, Emmett and I are still away at Dartmouth, and won’t be able to make it.” I said.

Rosalie smiled at me “Yeah but at least we will be closer to Edward at Julliard and will be able to help him move in.”

“Rose, I need you to go to the baseball field and help Emmett with Edward, but I need you to not break him into little pieces. If the rest of my plan is to work like I hope it does, he is going to have to make an appearance in town, so I need him in one piece and agreeable.” I tried being nice first and sent her all of the calming waves that I could so that she would agree. 

“Alright Jasper I’ll do it, only because it will take both Emmett and I to contain him if he tries to escape. Can I thump him a good one if he does try?” she asked hopefully.

I laughed at my sister. We were truly very much alike, and she was one that I was happy to have at my back in a pinch. “Yeah but no pieces – ok? And take your cell phone so we can keep you informed of the plan.”

I went up to check on Bella before going to see Carlisle. She was laying still motionless on the bed and Esme was with her. I gave her a small smile. 

“Do you think she can hear me Jasper?” Esme asked softly.

I tried to remember my own change “She might be able to remember bits and pieces. It can’t hurt to try. If anyone can bring her comfort it is you Mom.” I bent down and kissed her on the cheek. I could feel so many things from her at the moment – love, pride, worry and hurt.

I turned my attention to Bella. From her I could feel massive amounts of pain, but when she had heard our voices, incredibly, I could still feel love. “Talk to her Mom. Remind her of all the good things in her life. She can hear you.” 

Esme turned back to Bella and started to talk. The sound of her voice followed me out into the hall as I went to meet Carlisle.

Alice was there already when I walked into the study. Carlisle was seated behind his desk looking decidedly stressed. I immediately started sending out waves of calm through the room, and they both looked at me with gratitude. 

“Alice” She knew what I was asking.

“Charlie was very impressed that Edward was talented enough to get into Julliard at such a young age. Carlisle and Esme must be so proud. So sad to see a couple in love separated by distance, but if the love is true, then the relationship will survive. I tell you Jasper, it was hard pretending to be so proud of my brother when he is such a jerk!” 

I sighed “One thing at a time Alice. Are we cleared on the Seattle excuse?” 

She smiled smugly “Yup! He bought it. She is not expected home until Monday night after she drops Edward off at the airport. Charlie was a bit worried about her truck making it back from Seattle, but is sure that it will be fine.”

I puzzled this for a moment “The truck Alice?” 

She looked at me like I was insane “Yes, Jasper, the truck. She has to take it to help Edward with all the luggage that won’t fit in our small sporty vehicles, and she wanted to do something nice for her boyfriend ,who is leaving her to pursue his dreams. Besides, we need the drunk driver to hit her truck for the death right?”  
Ah my genius of a wife.

“Son? Can I ask what the plan is?” Carlisle looked on and I could feel that his patience was running out. 

“My apologies, Carlisle. You, Esme and Alice are going to come back from Seattle ahead of Bella. The three of you are going to meet Charlie for dinner in town, with Bella supposed to be following shortly behind. Carlisle, you are going to want to talk about how the distance is going to affect Bella and Edward, and things to do to keep their spirits high during the separation. While you are all waiting for Bella to arrive and join you for dinner, Charlie is going to get a call. Bella has been in a car accident. She was hit by a drunk driver and didn’t survive.” 

Carlisle was nodding and Alice had slipped into a vision to see if this would in fact work.

“Alice I need two things from you. One, we are going to need a body that looks enough like Bella to pass as her after a horrific car crash. Two, the location of a drunk driver at that time in between here and Sea Tac airport.” 

I saw Carlisle grimace at the mention of a body. 

“I’m sorry Carlisle, but we have to pacify the Quileutes so they don’t think that we broke the treaty. There really is no other way.” He nodded and I continued. “What is really going to happen, is Rose is going to dress like Bella and drive Edward to the airport where he is, by god, going to get on the plane and fly to New York. After that, I think he should head up to Alaska and stay with the Denali’s for a bit. He could use a dose of Eleazar’s good sense, and we know the girls will keep an eye on him.” 

Alice snickered as I continued. “Rose will then make a quick stop on the way back to pick up the battered body from Emmett. Timing will have to be perfect, so that Bella’s truck with the body hits the drunk driver that Alice is going to find for me.”

Carlisle thought about it and Alice was busy scanning the future. I wanted to know if this was going to work.

Carlisle was the first to speak “Well you have everyone accounted for since your Rose and Em are supposed to be at Dartmouth. Charlie will be with us, so he can shoot down any questions the wolves might raise. No better alibi than the chief of police. And I will have a talk with Edward and inform him that he is flying to New York on Monday. He will be on that plane. Otherwise it sounds good to me. Alice?”

She came out of her vision and smiled grimly. “Charlie and Renee will be heartbroken of course, but at least they will have closure. The authorities will not even question the body too closely, as the truck is hers, as well as ID on the body. And I think I have the answer to a body for her that everyone can agree on. There is a family in Newport Oregon that is burying their 17 year old daughter tomorrow. She looks enough like Bella to pass as her. The girl also died in a car accident, so the injuries will be consistent and because the crash was bad, they’re having a closed casket, eliminating the worry about facial features. This way both families get the closure they need and we only have to do a little grave robbing. I volunteer to do it seeing as it is partially my fault that this happened.”

I was stunned. How was this Alice’s fault? 

Carlisle got there first though, “Alice honey this is in no way your fault. Edward’s instincts took over. Even you can’t predict that.” He hugged her to his chest but I heard her without a problem. 

“You don’t understand Carlisle. I’ve gone back over all the visions that I have had of Bella and Edward, and I think I mistook the loving looks for possessive ones. I really did think that he loved her, but now that I am looking back, I am sure of it. He wanted to possess her. He wanted to have complete control ,and I let him do it. I even helped him. I told him when it was okay to go to her house, where she was, who she was with. Everything! I thought he loved her and was only trying to protect her but-” 

I couldn’t take anymore she couldn’t keep blaming herself, I cut her off. “Alice, sweetheart. You are not omnipotent. We do not expect you to know everything, and you have such a romantic heart that, of course your saw his possessiveness as love. We all did!! How many times did Esme say how good it was to see him so happy and in love? Emmett and I bugged him constantly about being so whipped, that he needed to spend nights sitting in a tree outside her window. Carlisle you felt the same way that Esme did, happy that he had finally found his mate.” 

Carlisle looked at Alice “You take too much responsibility on yourself Alice. We were all fooled. Besides we still have to talk to a rational Edward and find out what is really going on. Before you get too upset, let’s see what he has to say.” 

He hugged her again and turned to me “Jasper I couldn’t help but notice that you are not part of the plan. Can I assume that you are willing to take on the responsibility of a newborn Bella?” 

“Can you think of anyone in the family better suited to the task? Besides, for all this to work, the family is going to have to continue living in Forks as normal for at least a few months to alleviate any lingering suspicion.”

I saw Carlisle’s eyes widen. “But how will we hide her in Forks?” 

Alice’s face fell “They are not staying in Forks are you, Jasper?”

I looked down at my wife “No, sweetheart, we’re not. I think that I will take her up to our old place in Northern Ontario. The location is remote enough to avoid humans, there is plenty of game, and we haven’t been there since Emmett was changed. Rosalie and Emmett can join us as soon as the accident is staged. They’re supposed to be at Dartmouth anyway. Three of us are more than enough to handle one newborn.”

Alice’s face went vacant as she searched the future for any problems. When she came back to herself she looked resigned. “He’s right, Carlisle, if we don’t stay here for at least 4 months people will talk and their suspicions will give Charlie hope. If we stay, even the wolves will have no reason to think it was anything other than a tragic accident. But I am telling you right now, Jasper Hale! I want daily webcams with Bella, so you had better make sure the satellite internet is working!”

I chuckled and patted her on the head “I will make sure of it. Any idea how long before Bella wakes up?”

She closed her eyes and quickly looked “She will wake up in just under 3 days, so you had better get packing mister. You need to get on the road so she will be quiet for the ride. If you hurry, you should get there just before she wakes up.” 

Carlisle looked from me to Alice “Ok then, Jasper you go pack. I will call Rose and Emmett and let them know the plan. This needs to happen perfectly. We have to make sure our family is safe, and that my new daughter can start her new life without worries.”

I quickly turned and went to the room that I shared with Alice. I pulled out a suitcase and started going through our closet. 

I heard Alice come into the room. “Jasper, I think it’s time we told them.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As usual Twilight and all its characters do not belong to me they belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer – thank you for allowing me to play in your world
> 
> ~ As the M rating suggests - if you are under 18 you shouldn't be reading this fic. It contains dark themes and sexual material. ~
> 
> A/N: A thousand thank yous to everyone who has fallen in love with this story. Hugs and cookies for everyone! Your reviews and alerts encourage me to keep writing. Honestly I am not sure where this story came from and I am just as surprised as you are as it is unfolding. This chapter is all Bella, but not to worry, Major Whitlock still wants to keep us informed of the progress of the plan and we will hear from him soon enough.

I could hear voices talking quietly nearby. The fact that I was starting to be able to think around the pain scared me a bit.  How long had I been burning for?  When would someone save me?  How could I not be dead already?  My body was completely trapped.  I wanted to hold my burning body together; scream for someone to help me, or at least kill me; and beat at the flames that I could feel licking all over my charred body.  I remembered someone saying something about morphine.  Was that why I wasn’t able to move? 

Occasionally I could feel cold hands on my face and they felt so good that I wanted to beg for them to stay there.  I could hear one voice in particular that sounded like the deep soothing sound of a perfectly played cello.  I could feel it resonating somewhere deep inside, and it brought me a measure of peace.  I tried to listen to the voices more closely.  It was something else to concentrate on rather than the pain.

“You know, in addition to her selflessness she has your compassion, and Esme’s endless capacity to love.  Really Carlisle, she is the closest thing to a daughter that you and Esme could ever find.  The perfect blend of the two of you.” 

I knew that voice. That was the voice that I could feel deep inside.  I could feel some of my fear start to slip away.  I could still feel all of the pain but that voice…Jasper’s voice!      I wasn’t as frightened with him there.

“I really do wish she was my daughter.  I guess now she really is.  We need to make some plans.  She is supposed to be home soon.  Charlie is going to be worried about where she is.  We also need to speak with Edward.  I am having a hard time believing that he meant everything he said, but bloodlust cannot excuse the things he said.  He was too composed.” 

Hearing that made everything rush back, and suddenly I wished that I could feel only the pain again.   These words brought with them a pain that was purely emotional.  Edward, my Edward, had said that he only wanted me for my blood.  That I was weak and needed to be culled. 

And Charlie!!  My poor dad, he would go back to being lost without me.  Who would make sure that he ate regular meals and that the house was clean?  Who would be there for him when I wasn’t?  Coming to Forks made me realize how much he really needed me.  Mom had Phil to look after her now.  He wouldn’t let her take up a hobby that would get her killed, and he always made sure to pay the bills on time, he would be there for her.  But Charlie didn’t have anyone except me. 

Edward was right.  A normal girl wouldn’t have gotten involved with a vampire; she would have run screaming for the hills.  There is something wrong with me.  It seemed that the whole world was trying to reverse the mistake of my birth.  Darwin theorized that only the strongest should survive.  I’m so clumsy that I’m practically disabled; I am average and plain in every way and to top it all off, my first boyfriend is a vampire. 

You would have thought, that the last one would have made me realize my fate.  After all, it was only a few months ago that a vampire almost finished me off.  And now my boyfriend, the love of my life, the same one who saved me; announces that he only kept me alive because he wanted my blood to be pure of another vampires venom, when he drained me himself.  

I was a possession to be kept.  A pet.  I thought back on all the time that we had spent together.  How when we walked, he always had a hand on me; making sure that if he wasn’t with me, one of his family was.  Picking me up for school in the morning and driving me back home, only to come back at night to watch me sleep. I had not made one decision on my own.  Even my clothes were picked out for me.  It was kind of creepy now that I thought about it.  Since I had moved to Forks he had controlled almost every aspect of my life.  The only thing that I had done on my own was the one trip to First Beach with Mike and the gang. 

I thought about how ironic it was that Mike had said that the reason that he didn’t want me to be with Edward, was because he looked at me like I was something to eat.  At the time I had thought it was funny.  Maybe I should have given Mike more credit.  Besides, what had made me think that a creature as beautiful and perfect as Edward could ever truly be interested in me?  The pain of Edward’s many lies was almost as bad as the lava that had replaced my blood and was slowly burning me to death.

 I could feel my clothes being removed and the sensation of cool cloths and hands on my skin.  I could hear Esme talking to me, but I was hurting too badly to concentrate on what she was saying.  I could feel the care that she was taking with my body and a thought occurred to me.  Why would she take such good care of someone if she thought they were weak and insignificant?  If I was unimportant they would have just killed me and been done with it.  Esme cared for me enough to take care of me. To rid me of my bloody clothes, clean me up and re-dress me so I was comfortable.  Well, as comfortable as I could be burning in the fires of hell.  And what had Carlisle just said to Jasper?  That he wished I really was his daughter.  He had no reason to lie when he wasn’t sure if I could hear him.  Carlisle cared for me too. 

I started to really concentrate.  I wanted to remember what was said and how everyone acted when Edward attacked me.   Carlisle had tried to reason with Edward.  Esme had pleaded with him and had wanted to come to me.  Emmett had attacked his own brother.  Alice had been horrified and Rosalie, Rosalie looked right at me, right into my eyes and had said it wasn’t true.  She may have been a bitch to me but she always spoke the truth.  Most of the time what made her a bitch, _was_ her telling the truth.  They never would have had these reactions if I didn’t truly matter to them on some level. 

All this I remembered, but the one thing that stopped the pity party, was the look on Jasper’s face when Edward had said that I needed to be culled.  He had been furious.  It was the same look that I had seen on his face right before he and Emmett ripped James apart.  The look of fury that someone had dared to attack and hurt someone that was important to him.  Then I remembered his words and the tender look on his face from the hotel room months ago.  “You are worth it”.

I decided right then and there that I was going to wait and see.  I would see how everyone acted when I woke up to my new life, before I started believing the foul things that Edward had said.  Now as long as Edward didn’t come in to finish me off.  As bad as the burning was, I knew it was necessary if I wanted to stay with the Cullens; if they would have me.  I needed to finish the change so I could figure that out.

I heard Esme ask someone a question.  _Jasper_.  Jasper was back.  He would keep me safe.  I knew it had been him that had made Edward waiver on his feet long enough for Rosalie and Emmett to tackle him.  He had held me afterward; and it had been him that had acted so swiftly, to push more venom into me, to make sure the change was a short as possible.  The jury was still out on whether or not that was a good idea I thought wryly.

 I felt nothing but comfort and love that he came in to check on me.  I was pretty sure that I had not been left alone for even a moment since I had been bitten.  That had to mean something right?  I listened as Jasper told Esme that I could hear her.  As he left the room she started reminding me about all of the fun times that I had shared with the family.  Emmett’s pranks, shopping with Alice and Esme, Carlisle making sure that my most recent accident wasn’t serious.  As I started remembering all of these things I realized that Jasper had always been there; sometimes participating, sometimes just watching; but always there.  I had wanted to get to know him so badly, but Edward had always said that he was too dangerous, that he hadn’t adjusted to the vegetarian diet yet.

As I thought about this it no longer seemed right.  Jasper had never once tried to get any closer than I was comfortable with after being told these things.  I spent days with him locked up in a hotel room and he never once made me feel like he wanted to bite me.  He had run right past me through a pool of my blood to attack James.  And it certainly wasn’t Jasper that attacked today over the provocation of a single drop of blood.  And the evidence that confirmed all the lies that Edward had fed me about Jasper, was his ability to bite me three times and I hadn’t seen one drop of my blood on his mouth.

So if Edward lied so convincingly about that, what else had he lied about?  Jasper would make sure I was safe until I could figure it out for myself.

 _Dear God,_ when was this pain going to end?  My bones felt like they were being ground to dust and then set on fire!  My skin was being skinned from me and then dipped in acid and my heart was still racing. 

I could hear the sound of Esme’s voice above me again.  “Bella dear, there are a lot of human memories that you are going to want to remember.  I want you to think very carefully on as many of your happiest memories as you can.  Start from your childhood and work your way forward.  Remember your birthdays with your mom.  Renee loves you so much!  Remember all the new hobbies that she tried.  Your attempts at getting pets, walks in the park with your mom, friends you had at school in Phoenix. Remember how Renee acted when she first met Phil, summers with your dad here in Forks and later in California.  Time you spent learning to cook with your Grandma Swan.” 

Bless Esme she not only remembered every little conversation that we had ever had about my family but brought up the ones that meant so much to me.

Listening to her voice, and remembering those times was a very welcome distraction from the pain.  I was still horrified that I couldn’t move or scream to try to relieve the stress.  I still felt trapped in my shell of a body, but listening to Esme’s voice, and thinking about my family was helping.  I wanted to remember the fishing trips that I had taken with my dad.  His best friend Billy down at La Push.  I remembered playing with Jake and his sisters in the tide pools.  Going to Phil’s baseball games and laughing with my mom.  Yes, these were all memories that I wanted to hold on to.  So I did just what Esme said.  I remembered every moment of my life the best I could.  And I waited for Jasper to come back.

After what seemed like an eternity, I realized I was by myself.  I couldn’t hear Esme in the room.  I tried to listen harder but I still couldn’t hear anyone.  I wanted to cry out, scream to see if someone would come running.  I missed Esme’s voice and her hands cooling my face.  I wanted to hear Emmett’s booming laugh or Carlisle’s quiet assurances that I would be ok.  I needed Jasper there, what if Edward came back?  What if he had escaped them and was planning on killing me?  I wouldn’t be able to defend myself.  The damn morphine had paralyzed me.  I was stuck in hell, burning for god knows how long and there was no one here with me!  Maybe they thought I was actually dead?  No they couldn’t.  I could still hear my own hear struggling to beat even as what felt like pure acid pumped through my veins.  If I could hear it then they sure as crap would have been able to.

A horrible though popped into my head, what if they had decided to leave me here after all?  How was I going to survive on my own?  I didn’t want to kill anyone, how was I going to know how to hunt?  I could feel the panic rising above the pain.  I really didn’t want to be alone.  I didn’t know what to do.  There was nothing I could do.

I felt someone take my hand and smooth back my hair.  Then I heard the voice that made everything right in my world. 

“Shhhh it’s alright Darlin’. We haven’t left you.  You and I are going to take a little trip.  Just you and me ok?” 

 _Jasper_ , I thought in relief.  Jasper was still here.  He hadn’t left me.  He said that they were all still here.  I could feel his hands on my face and they felt like ice against the burning.  I vaguely hear his voice coming from above me but with the knowledge that he was there the burning took over again and I could only hear fragments of what he was saying.

“…. I’m not leavin’ you.  I will stay with you for as long as you need me ok?”  

I felt my body being lifted in his cool arms and held against his body.  The movement seemed to make the flames burn hotter and I was forever burning in the middle of them, held down by chains of morphine. 

I drifted in the sea of pain for what seemed like an eternity.  When would this be over?  I could feel my brain getting bigger.  I could now think of several things at the same time.  I replayed all my memories over and over, each time they seemed to cement in a little farther and become clearer.  Another part of my brain was occupied with processing new sounds and smells, it was weird.  I could smell all these new things, but had no idea what they were.  Things were also much louder and if I could have moved, I would have been jumping in fright quite often.  Yet another part of my brain was fully occupied with the pain that was ever present.  And finally I would listen for the sound of Jasper’s voice.  It was the one thing that kept me sane in the world of agony that I lived in. 

From time to time I would feel him moving me from one place to another.  Each time it increased the agony of the burn.  Ever present beyond the burn and through the pain of being moved was a sweet comforting smell.  Slowly, I realized that the shackles that had stopped me from being able to move were lessening.  I knew I could move if I wanted to, but I also knew that if I did I would start screaming and not be able to stop.  Some part of me thought of Jasper and the trip that he said we were on.  If someone saw him carting a screaming girl around, it would cause him no end of trouble.  So, I did my best to stay silent and still, and I think I managed it for the most part, but I wasn’t sure.  I felt myself being moved again.  But for the first time the world didn’t move around me.  I guess we had reached our destination. 

I could hear sounds around me so I knew Jasper was still with me.  I wished he would talk to me.  Tell me how much longer I had to endure this torture.  As I felt the pain start to leave my hands and my feet, I would have felt relieved, but it seemed to push the flames in my chest higher.  Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly get worse, the hammering of my heart increased and the pain felt like someone was ripping a hole right through my chest.  My poor heart was trying vainly to keep me alive.  It was a losing battle.  My back arched off the floor and for the first time a scream was ripped from my throat.  And then it was over.  My heart beat its last beat and fell silent as I slumped back onto the floor. 

I lay quiet for a moment.  I tried to process the smells and sounds around me but they were overwhelming.  I was afraid to open my eyes.  The one smell that I could pick out was the sweet comforting one that had been with me through most of my change, one that I had come to realize was Jasper.  A sweet mix of summer sunshine, hay and honey all rolled into one.  And then with my new hearing I listened to his voice. 

“Bella Darlin’, it’s ok.  Can you open your eyes for me Sweetheart?”

Slowly and carefully I opened my eyes to my new life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As usual Twilight and all its characters do not belong to me they belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer – thank you for allowing me to play in your world
> 
> ~ As the M rating suggests - if you are under 18 you shouldn't be reading this fic. It contains dark themes and sexual material. ~

I heard Alice come into the room. 

“Jasper, I think it’s time we told them.” 

I looked over at the amazing woman that I have called my wife for over 50 years. “How do we tell them something that we have never really talked about Alice?”

She cocked her head at me and made a face “Don’t be silly, Jasper, we both know where we are. That is the great thing about being us, about being your best friend. We never really needed to talk about it.”

I smiled a bit and silently admitted that it was true. With her knowledge of the future and my empathic abilities we always seemed to know exactly where we were and never really needed to have in depth conversations. “Yes, Alice, but maybe before we talk to the family we should make sure that we are both aware of what is between us.” 

She huffed out a breath and came over to sit on the bed beside me. “You're right, Jasper. Ok so, we found each other in Philadelphia and decided that we would look for the Cullens together.” 

I laughed at this “You mean that you ambushed me in that cruddy little diner and informed me that we were going to look for a coven of vampires who supposedly only drank the blood of animals. You do realize how crazy that made you sound right?” I laughed when she playfully smacked me on the shoulder.

“Whatever, Jasper, it’s the same thing. Now during our travels we ended up being the best of friends.” She got a serious look on her face “You know I was so lost when I met you. I never could figure out how to live in the moment; I see so many things that could happen in the future I forget about the present, and you just have a way of grounding me in the here and now. I really do love you, Jazz. I have always known that you weren’t my true mate. I know you know that I’m not yours either but I will never regret the years that we have spent together.” 

I looked down at the woman who had been my savior, my best friend and constant companion and knew I could never lose her. I lifted her into my lap and hugged her hard. “This is not goodbye, sweetheart, you know that. I am only taking Bella to Ontario early. You guys will be there in a few months. Yes, our relationship has gone back to what it was meant to be and yes, the family may be a bit confused but all that matters is that you and I are ok. I will not lose my best friend, we have a special bond that time and distance cannot change.” 

Her voice came from my shoulder “I know that, Jazz. It’s past time to explain our relationship to the family; they always just assumed that we were soul mates like they are. How are we going to try to explain the complicated relationship that we have? They are not going to understand why we even bothered to get married.” 

I laughed “Just tell them that the perfect dress wouldn’t have been in style by the time that you found your true mate and you wanted to wear it then.” Yeah I got smacked again. 

She looked at me in mock horror “Jasper Hale, that was mean! I mean yes the dress was beautiful, and I looked fabulous in it, and your right it will never be in style again; but that is not the reason why we got married! I married my very best friend! Who better to spend a few decades with while you adjusted to being a vegetarian and I waited for my true mate?” 

I chuckled “And that is exactly what we tell them, sweetheart. Carlisle and Esme will not think any less of us and really it only matters to you and me anyways. Now I am assuming that we are going to have separate rooms in Ontario?” At her nod I continued “We haven’t been there in so long for, other than a couple of nights that it will need some renovating and cleaning up. It will be a good way for Bella to learn how to control her strength. Do you see any problems that I need to be aware of?” 

I watched as she searched the future. “Nothing that you won’t be able to handle, although Bella’s future is still a bit fuzzy. There are too many decisions that still have to be made before I should be able to see her clearly. But Esme is going to speak with Carlisle in a minute so now might be the best time to talk to them. Carlisle is not going to be too surprised so the conversation will go smoothly”

“Alright, let’s go tell them about the change between us and finalize our plans.”

The discussion with Carlisle and Esme went better than I expected. Esme wanted to know how long we had been living together and considering dissolving the marriage part of our relationship. She seemed surprised when we both answered at the same time “Two years”. 

Carlisle, as Alice had said, was not really all that surprised. “Well I guess I just didn’t see enough of a passionate, romantic love between the two of you. I just assumed you were a very private couple.” 

As expected they only wanted for us to be happy and it would not affect the family in the slightest. It left me free to be able to concentrate on Bella. Alice would have to explain to Rosalie and Emmett as they were both still at the baseball field with Edward and wouldn’t be coming back until after I had left with Bella. I wasn’t taking any chances with her safety by allowing him back in the house while she was so vulnerable. 

Rose hadn’t got her way as Edward was calm when he woke up. Carlisle shot me a look that said very clearly, that I had some explaining to do about being able to knock out a vampire. Something he had not known was possible. Emmett said that other than saying he was fine, Edward hadn’t spoken a word and wouldn’t answer any of their questions. Of course Rose probably wasn’t asking so much as screaming and berating. If I wasn’t so disgusted with him I might have felt bad for the ass. Alice said that he would stay there until Carlisle called him. 

So Alice was off to steal a body, Rose and Emmett were babysitting until it was time for their part in the plan, Carlisle was booking Edward’s flight to New York and arranging for our private plane to be readied at a small airport outside of Vancouver, Canada. The plan was for me to drive Bella and I across the border in Carlisle’s Mercedes and then fly our jet from Abbotsford airport to Timmins Ontario, where my new truck would be waiting for our nine hour drive north. Esme was packing a few things for Bella and me, so I decided to check on her.

As I stepped into the room she was still laying there motionless but I noticed she was sending off waves of panic, fear and distress. The pain was still there but the panic worried me. As I delved deeper I felt an undertone of abandonment. I needed her to stay as calm as possible until we got across the border so I started sending her calming waves. She settled down a bit but was still sending me all the same feelings. I quickly went over to her side and realized that she probably thought she was alone. She wasn’t far enough into the change to have developed the hearing to assure her that we were all still in the house. This was the first time that she had been left alone and she was scared. 

I took her hand in mine and smoothed her hair back, tucking it behind an ear. “Shhhh it’s alright, darlin’. We haven’t left you. You and I are going to take a little trip. Just you and me ok?” 

As soon as she heard my voice I could feel her relief. I watched as a few tears escaped from one of her eyes and started to roll down her cheek. Before I realized what I was doing, I brushed my thumb across her cheek and gathered them in my fingers. It occurred to me that these would be the last real tears that she would ever shed. 

I brought them to my mouth and tasted them. The sweetness was pure Bella. I knew I should feel guilty for stealing such a gift but couldn’t bring myself to regret it. Her emotions had calmed down immensely and the physical pain from the burn was once again the most prominent thing that I felt from her. I could hear Esme coming down the hall and I assumed that she had finished packing our things. 

“Bella Darlin’, I am gonna lift you now and carry you to the car ok? I promise you, I won’t be farther than 10 feet away at any time alright? You and me, darlin’, I’m not leavin’ you. I’ll stay with you for as long as you need me ok?” I couldn’t feel an emotional response so I guess the pain had her again. 

I lifted her gently into my arms as Esme came in the room. “Is she alright?” I could feel the worry pouring off of Esme and knew that she had heard my words to Bella. 

“Yeah, she’s alright now. I guess you talking to her and touching her was more soothing than we knew. When I came in she was giving off flat panic and abandonment. I think she thought that we left her, as soon as I touched her and talked to her, she calmed right down. She’ll be fine” 

I watched as she kissed Bella’s cheek. I could feel her utter sadness that her new daughter was being taken away from her even if it was necessary. “Hey, Mom, I promise I will take good care of her. You can talk to her every day by webcam and you guys will be joining us soon enough.” Her eyes clouded with tears that would never fall. I so rarely called her Mom that she knew I meant what I was saying. 

She gave me a sad sort of smile. “I know, Jasper, but it doesn’t make it any easier to give her up. I have always been there for my children and it is killing me that I can’t be there for this one. She is so special, Jasper. She has spent her entire life looking after the people who were supposed to be nurturing and taking care of her. She has no idea what it means to have someone look after her. I have looked forward to being able to do that and now, when she needs me the most, I can’t be there like a mother should be.” 

I kissed her forehead. “Mom, the sacrifice that you are making by letting her go is the best example of caring for her that you could ever display. You are putting her safety and the safety of the entire family ahead of your own wants and needs. She knows you love her and I’ll be sure to remind her when she wakes up. You can tell her yourself as well. Bella is the most caring, compassionate and loving person; she’ll know that it wasn’t your choice to stay here but a necessity.” 

“I hope you’re right,son. I am so very proud of you, you know that? The restraint and control that you demonstrated today was no different than Carlisle’s. And now you are protecting the family with your beautifully thought out plan and your willingness to look after Bella.” Her voice broke “I could not be more proud of you than if you were my own flesh and blood. You have conquered your demons my son and no one deserves it more than you.” 

She hugged me and held me to her; if I was able, I would have been crying. She compared me to Carlisle. Maybe I had beaten the demon. I just hoped that helping Bella would, in some small way, help me take steps to atone for my past. I still had my head on her shoulder and Bella in my arms when Carlisle came down the hallway. 

He looked at us carefully and I could see and feel the love that he had for all of us. “I have a passport for Bella that will do until we can get her a more permanent one.” It was a Canadian passport with the name Mary Evenson and a picture of Bella inside. “I couldn’t run the risk of having anything even remotely close to her real name. Alice said that the border authorities will not think to question it or the fact that she is sleeping, seeing as you will be crossing the border so late. Because you are both Canadian,” He shot me a pointed look “they will think that you are a young couple returning home after vacation and she fell asleep in the car.” 

'I got it, dad, dig out my Canadian passport,' I thought mentally rolling my eyes. Sometimes I felt like Jason Bourne with all the passports and Identities that I had laying around for just an emergency like this one. 

“Take care of her, son; we need her just as much as she needs us.” He kissed her forehead and followed when I started for the car.

“I put all your bags in the trunk and some pillows and blankets in the back seat for Bella.” Esme fussed behind me. 

I laid Bella in the back seat for now; I would transfer her to the front just before we got to the border so she looked like she just fell asleep while we were driving.   
“Emmett and Rose will join you as soon as possible. I will work on getting papers for a new identity for Bella and try to have the basics preloaded in your truck for you when you get to Timmins. Call us when you get there safely and have Bella call us when she feels up to it.” Carlisle was just as torn about the separation as Esme and I felt bad, but this was the only way. 

I hugged them both. “Don’t worry we’ll see you soon and by the time you get there everything will be set up and ready. Just think Mom, this time you won’t have to do all the work; you can just move in and enjoy yourself.” 

“Jasper Hale, what an awful thing to say! You know how much I love getting the houses ready. Make sure you leave something for me to do.” She hugged me one last time. As I was getting in the driver’s seat I could hear her murmuring to Bella and kissing her goodbye. As I drove out of the driveway I could see her dry sobbing in Carlisle’s arms in the rearview mirror.

“Well, darlin’ we are off on the first leg of our trip to your new life. I promised you I would be there for you and I will be. You‘re doin’ great.” I talked to her quietly all the way north to Belllingham, about the people in the cars we were passing, funny things that Emmett had done over the years and anything else that I could think of to reassure her that I was still here. I avoided mentioning anything about Edward; she didn’t need any more stress. 

When we got to Bellingham I stopped for gas and moved her to the front seat. When I had propped her up with the pillows, and she looked comfortable, I got our Passports ready for the border. Half an hour later and we were through the border with no problems. The guards don’t tend to ask too many questions at two in the morning. Another short drive later and we were at the small airport and pulling into the hanger that housed our family’s personal jet. Everything was ready and soon we were in the air. 

I loved to fly, the best thing I had done was get my pilots license, it made it much easier for us to get around in a pinch. Bella had a harder time on the plane, as she had to be in the back and I was in the cockpit, but her panic wasn’t as bad as it had been in the house; I went back to check on her as often as I could. The flight gave me plenty of time to ponder how I was going to deal with Bella. 

I knew that waking up with just me being there might be tricky. To a human, my many scars were barely visible. To a vampire, I was horribly disfigured and truly frightening. I knew from experience that the sight of them often sent newborns, and often even older vampires, into an instinctive fight or flight reaction. If she chose flight I might not be able to catch her on my own with her newborn speed and strength. If she chose to fight I had to try to subdue her, which might be difficult without hurting her and damaging our relationship. I didn’t want her to fear me, and I really didn’t want to have to knock her out; she had been through enough already. It would all depend on her frame of mind when she woke up. 

I always tried to cover up my scars as much as possible, living with the family that I did; I knew that they made me stand out even more against the back drop of the family’s perfection. I knew they all accepted me scars and all, and embraced me for the man that I am, but I still didn’t want anyone seeing them more than they had too. Even Alice felt uncomfortable when she saw them in their entirety. Yes we may all be monsters, but I was the only one that looked like one.  
After two brief fuel stops we were landing in Timmins. I called Carlisle and let him know that we had arrived safely. He filled me in on the progress of the plan. Alice had gotten the body and Emmett had it stashed in Port Angeles. The family was in position in Seattle and Rose and Edward were set to head to the airport in a few hours. I didn’t need my empathic abilities to know that Carlisle’s conversation with Edward had not gone well. At least he was following the plan, though it might have been because Rose was ready to turn him to ashes.

My new truck was right where it was supposed to be and, as promised, it was stocked with everything we would need to stay the first few days on our own before Rose and Emmett joined us. The truck was gorgeous and everything I loved and needed to get into our remote home. Pewter colored 2009 GMC Sierra 3500HD Diesel with a crew cab, 4 wheel drive and the complete off road package. I couldn’t help but be excited and I knew my pixie of a best friend was responsible.   
It was loaded down with a new generator to power the house and gas to run it; a basic tool box; some 2x4’s and plywood; and there were Rubbermaid containers full of bedding and clothes to supplement what we had brought with us. I didn’t need to look at the rest to know that we would have everything we would need in the short term, Alice will have thought of everything. 

I carefully transferred Bella into the front seat of the truck and laid her head on the seat next to me. Her emotions were much more stable when I was near her, although they were getting harder to read. We needed to get going to make sure that we got to our new home before Bella’s change was complete and we were running out of time. 

I couldn’t help it; I kept looking down at her face. I could see that her features had been affected by the venom. I found myself constantly running my fingers though her long mahogany hair and resting my palm lightly on her jaw with my fingers curled around the back of her neck. She seemed to enjoy the coolness that my hand provided; and if I was honest with myself, I was enjoying the softness of her skin and the feeling of her silky hair sliding though my fingers. I shook my head at these inappropriate thoughts. I wanted to study her changes closer but I had to concentrate on the road. 

We made what should have been a nine hour drive in just under seven hours. Bella had started to make small sounds of pain from time to time and her small movements had become more noticeable. It was clear that the pain she was in was just as bad for her as it had been for the rest of us; God only knows how she was staying so quiet. 

The roughness of the gravel road was clearly jarring her body and making it worse, I could only be grateful that she had been able to keep silent and still for the majority of our trip. It was the worst kind of torture to force this on her while she was already in agony but we had no other choice. We couldn’t risk keeping her in Forks. All the humans that we had encountered while we were crossing Canada simply thought she was sleeping. A few of them had expressed concern but after feeding them a lie about motion sickness pills knocking her out they would nod in understanding. I could feel that Bella was much more alert as I drove the last 10km that was our driveway. It was the roughest part of our journey and I had to hold on to Bella tightly to keep her from bouncing around too much. Her moans of pain shot a bolt of agony through my still heart and I just wanted to get there so I could get her comfortable.

I looked carefully around and smelled the air as I was pulling up to the house. We had large meadows surrounding the house and our own lake about 800 yards from the back of the house. I wanted to make sure that no humans had decided to take up residence in our absence and that no vampires were in the area. I smelled nothing but clean fresh air and the wildlife that had wandered through recently. 

Surprisingly the house itself wasn’t in to bad a shape. Of all of our houses, I liked this one the best. It was a large 2 storey log resort that was built on 800 acres, and surrounded by government land, to house fly-in hunters and fisherman. Someone had clearly suffered from delusions of grandeur to have built something so large and luxurious so far out in the wilderness, and it had quickly gone out of business, it was perfect for us. It originally had 18 bedrooms but we had renovated it years ago so that it now had six master suites with adjoining bathrooms and sitting rooms, and of course large walk-in closets. There were also two smaller bedrooms that were large in their own right but did not have the private baths. 

The front of the house was large and like all of our houses had tons of windows. Large decks wrapped around it, with the largest one at the back to take in the view of the lake. There was even a fire pit off the back deck for enjoying long summer evenings outside. 

The house was a post and beam construction with a great room in the center of the house that had two staircases to the second floor, one for each wing. The ceilings here were vaulted and reached up to encompass the second floor where landings with railings allowed the separate wings of the second floor to overlook the great room. 

Right now, all the windows were covered by the same metal security shutters that we had at the house in Forks. In addition to the great room, the main floor had the kitchen, a large dining room, library, music room and a study as well as the two smaller bedrooms and a bathroom. The second floor held only the six master suites, three in each wing. The best thing about a log home was the soundproofing the logs provided. It made living with Emmett and Rosalie much more bearable even with our vampire hearing. 

Finally was the basement that held the control room and equipment to run all of the heating and electrical systems as well as a huge games room. The house was probably one of the greenest private residences in the world. The whole house was heated completely with geothermal energy. When the technology had first come to our attention, Esme decided to try it out at this house as it is so far off the grid. We normally needed to use large generators for heating as well as electricity. Now the geothermal energy heated the house and all our water; and we had installed solar panels and wind turbines to provide us with the electricity we needed, the house was now completely self sufficient. 

I quickly unloaded the generator and hooked it up. We would run off of it until Bella was comfortable and I could make sure all our equipment was ready and fully functional.

I took her to one of the corner suites so she would have a nice view of the lake by our house and the mountains that were the backdrop. I would take the other slightly smaller suite next to hers. There was very little furniture and no mattresses for the bed frame so I lay her down on some blankets that I had spread on the floor. There was no time to clean. 

I ran to the basement and punched in the code to roll the shutters off the windows. The worst thing for a newborn to feel was trapped. As I ran back to her side I could hear her heart hammering faster and faster in her chest as the venom rushed towards it. She would be waking up soon. 

I took the opportunity to really study her. As a human she had been beautiful. As a vampire she was stunning. Her mahogany hair was thicker and had grown several inches, and would now fall to her waist. Her normally pale skin had been hardened by the venom and looked like the finest porcelain. Her eyebrows were high and arched and were a stark contrast to her pale skin; her cheekbones were high and fine and perfectly balanced her heart shaped face. 

Her lips though, her lips were fuller with the lower one pouting slightly; they were a beautiful soft red as if she had just been thoroughly kissed. Her breasts and her hips had filled out but her waist had remained tiny giving her some very dangerous curves that would bring men to their knees. God knows I was sure appreciating them. 

'Woah, Cowboy, she is going to be your sister, remember!' I mentally scolded; I would have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Bella’s scent had amazingly not really changed. Only the lure of her human blood was gone. She still smelled of a mouthwatering mix of strawberries and freesias and still drew me in like a magnet. 

Suddenly her moans grew louder, as the thudding of her heart increased in pace, I backed away until I was across the room by the door; I didn’t want her to feel crowded and get defensive. I was expecting it, but it still startled me when her back arched off the floor and she let out a bone chilling scream. It seemed to go on forever and, not for the first time, it made my poor dead heart twist to see this beautiful girl in so much pain. And then, just like that, it was over. Her heart beat for the very last time and fell silent as she slumped back to the floor. 

I watched from across the room as I could see her mentally trying to come to grips with what had happened. I wondered how much she would remember. Some newborns couldn’t remember anything; case in point was Alice. I really hoped that, that would not be the case as it would make things so much more difficult. Although part of me hoped the she wouldn’t remember Edward at all. I would need to be ready for anything when I saw her reaction to my scars. I started to worry slightly when after a long few minutes she still hadn’t moved. I didn’t want to startle her but I needed to know if she was alright.

“Bella Darlin’, it’s ok. Can you open your eyes for me, sweetheart?” I saw her open her beautiful eyes and watched as she adjusted to the sharpness of her new eyesight. I could see her struggling slightly trying to take in everything at once. She sat up and looked startled at the swiftness of the action. Then the moment I was both anticipating and dreading happened. Her stunning crimson newborn eyes fixed on me and she drew in a sharp breath.


End file.
